Death of a Friend

The end of a relationship always leaves feelings of regret and anxiety about what the new future will be or what might have been otherwise. Those feelings are even more acute when the absence is caused by death. I knew that break was coming for my 4-year love affair with my Macbook Pro, but knowing that the end was imminent didn’t lessen the sting.

The display failure on our oven didn’t conjure up the slightest butterflies. Knowing that my clothes washer and dryer are both on their last cycles isn’t causing sleep loss. Not even the random freezing and thawing of the entire refrigerator of food has caused the denial, fear, and anger that I have experienced over the recent demise of my first laptop.

Possessiveness is relative when your machine is owned by the company you work for and managed by an IT team your options are limited. You can’t feel much empathy with a computer that isn’t truly your own. But the give and take between a full-time freelance designer and her Macintosh can be extremely important and fulfilling, setting off feelings of attachment and dependency that are seemingly unnatural. You can scoff all you like, but when your entire means of self-sufficiency and communication with the outside world is wrapped in a battered, scratched and dented hunk of mental, you can get a little weird about it. Any down time is a potential client lost. Tell me how long you could go without your phone, iPad, or email. Thought not.

When the mini-strokes started about a month (a usually foreign and remote possibility to a Macintosh user) ago I knew they were a sign of the grand mal seizure to come. My IT friend tried all the tricks and I made 1000 guesses about the cause, all in the hopes that what I was experiencing was a fluke. I was not ready to let my friend go yet. With a deadline looming and a week-long trip ahead, I needed that machine to work. So, it died. My denial was complete as I spent a night on the couch turning it off and on again, trying to will it back to life.

The silver lining on this little whine-fest is that in one short afternoon, I had a new machine, up and running, all programs installed, all settings adjusted or reinstated from the old hard drive, and a reaffirmed knowledge that the higher price is worth it for this special little machine.

Now, to get ready for new program software…

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